Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
