This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
