I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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