I think im going to throw up on grandma
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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