I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
All the doctor said was why
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
