My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
