I think I died a long time ago.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
