his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
