Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
