You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
