Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
