I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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