I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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