I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
