He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
