she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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