anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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