Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
