either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
