it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You are a genius and a whore.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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