the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Houston, we have a blender
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
