I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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