It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The struggles of a small town man whore
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
