she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
