PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
