This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
