Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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