remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
