I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
