I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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