i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
you made out with another girl for some wings
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
