i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Randomize
