I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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