2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
