The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
