I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
