i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The air taste purple.
Randomize
