It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
