Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
