I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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