my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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