I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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