Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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