He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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