You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
