Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
