meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
