but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
