cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You left your underwear on the fireplace
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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