Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
