Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
