hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
